Copyright © 2017-2018 Kurt M King. All Rights Reserved.
"Matt, you decent?" Adam asks through the door.
I don't answer. I was in the middle of getting dressed when he decided to just show up. I finish getting dressed. Dark blue jeans, black socks on my feet, a dark blue long-sleeved shirt, with a dark grey t-shirt over that. The t-shirt has a dragon on it, lime green in color.
I like it.
Only once I am dressed do I answer the door.
"It's a hundred degrees outside," he says. "I can't believe you still wear that."
I stare at him, wondering what he wants.
I don't go outside, so it's not like I'm hot. We have air conditioning.
Adam is an older, hotter version of me. I'm only twelve, I'm a little small, I have platinum-blond hair, and I have blue-grey eyes. I guess I'm in good shape, I do martial arts every day. Already did it earlier, just finished my after-training shower. Adam knocked on the bathroom door. I want to know what's so important that he bothered me while I was in the bathroom.
"Can we talk?" He asks when I just stare at him, and I just keep staring. "In your room, I mean. You'll want to be sitting down."
I grab my dirty clothes and towel, then go to my room. There, I dump my clothes into the hamper, placing the lid on it before draping the towel across it to dry. Adam's in skinny jeans and a tight-fitting t-shirt, with sneakers on, his own platinum-blond hair perfectly styled, his blue-grey eyes jewels that will make any girl fall for him. He always looks perfect, and I think he does it just to show me up.
Unlike me, he doesn't have severe anxiety around people, and can actually handle their presence. He doesn't have a girlfriend, though, because he's too busy taking care of scared, untalented, anxious me.
We move to my room, and I sit on my bed. He picks one of the stuffed dragons off my bed and hands it to me, telling me I'll need him, and I hug the dragon tight against me, wondering what Adam wants to tell me that he thinks is going to overwhelm me.
"We're going shopping today."
Cue my anxiety going up. He said 'we', not 'I', which means he plans on taking me with him. He knows how bad it is for me to leave the house. I haven't done that since I was little, not since Mom and Dad and Braden died. That happened just after Adam turned eighteen, when I was barely seven, so about five years or so ago.
I guess my face says how horrified I am at that thought, because Adam bites his lower lip. He never does that.
"You can wear a hat and sunglasses," he tells me. "It'll help you hide a little bit more, but I need you to go shopping with me today."
I shake my head.
"We're going school shopping," he says, which confuses me, since he home-schools me. "Starting tomorrow, you'll be attending school with everyone else. Matt, take deep breaths. Matt! Breathe!"
I can't. The thought of going to an actual school freaks me out. Even when I was little, I had anxiety at going to school. I don't know why, I just do. It's horrible. I can't think, I can't breathe. Adam starts smacking me in the face, telling me to breathe, and I throw him to the floor.
"I can't go to school!" I whine.
"Have to," he sits up, rubbing the back of his head. "Orders from above."
"I don't know what that means!" I shake my head. "Please, don't make me go!"
"I've already talked with the school," Adam states. "You'll be fine, I promise. We've got a plan in place because of your anxiety. You're allowed to just get up and leave class if the anxiety gets too bad, and can go to the nurse's office or the social worker's office. We'll leave early tomorrow so that you can meet both of them."
"Have to," he says. "It's only for two years, Matt. You'll be in a smaller school for seventh grade and eighth grade. It's so you're ready for high school, when that comes. At least, as read as you'll ever be. And to prepare you for tomorrow, you're going shopping with me today."
"I don't want to go!" I shake my head. "I'm not leaving! You can't make me!"
"I'm not giving you an option," Adam stands up. "Now get your shoes on, we're going."
"Then you're grounded to the guest room," he says. "And cannot leave it for anything. No books, no computer, no dragons, no guitar – nothing. You get the food I bring you, and nothing else. Absolutely no snacks or treats. I want you to try to handle it, Matt. When we get back, you can have all the brownies and cookies you want. I promise. I'm not asking you to talk to anyone, I just want you to come with me. Try to tolerate the crowds. You can cling as close to me as you need to."
I try to refuse, but he somehow manages to talk me into it, so twenty minutes later, the two of us are at the store. I clutch his shirt tightly. It probably looks weird. I get a lot of stares. That makes my face heat up. I don't like being stared at, don't like being looked at. Just look away. I can't help my anxiety, no matter how much I try.
I somehow make it through the first two stores. Then we go to the mall. There are a ton of people here, including youth. They're probably wondering who the freak is who has to hold on to his brother, even though he's twelve years old. Though they probably think I'm nine or ten, I look young for my age. Adam certainly only looks seventeen or eighteen, and he's twenty-four.
Adam wants to go into a crowded store, and I shake my head, so he tells me to sit down on a bench. Not near that store, though, because it's crowded over there. I find a quieter area. I have a small paper bag with me that's got brownies in it. I pull one out and start eating it, watching the people as they walk by, knowing they probably think I'm just some little kid. I know I'm untalented, and not very attractive, and stupid, but that doesn't give them the right to just stare at me. Why do they think they can just do that? I have rights, don't I?
"Hey, cutie," a boy approaches me. He's probably around my age, maybe a year older. "How are you?"
I just hug my brownies tighter to my chest, I'm not sure what to say. What should I say? That I'm anxious? That I'm not doing good? That I'm scared? That I want to just get up and run out of here, but promised Adam, and we Kings never break our promises?
"I'm on my way out," he says. "Don't live out this way, and we gotta get back home soon, but I'll be back next Saturday. Want to hang out then? It'll probably be a little bit quieter here."
He just keeps talking. What does he want? Why won't he leave me alone? Probably sees a worthless kid and wants to screw with him. I should go. I need to go. I get up and take off running. I need to find Adam. I need to tell him I can't do this anymore.
I feel a hand on my arm, and throw whoever it was to the ground.
"Liam!" Mom yells at the base of the stairs. "Are you ready to go?"
"Yes, mother," I roll my eyes, causing her to jump. She probably thought I was up there, not right behind her. "It's not me who takes forever to go, you know, it's the twins."
I'm twelve, and the twins are nine, and mischievous little buggers, too. They're not identical, but if they were, they would be the kind to constantly switch who is wearing what, and make sure they always had the same hairstyle. Even without that, though, it's a pain.
I'm also pretty sure they're going to turn out gay, like me. The two of them take so long to get ready, and their hair is always perfectly styled.
Alec was born first, but Ryan is the smarter of the two. Alec's hair is a dirty blond, almost brown color, while Ryan's is sandy blond, so more blond than brown. Alec does have gold highlights, though, and his hair is a little bit wavy. They have have blue eyes, which makes Mom uncomfortable. Dad has blond hair and blue eyes, too, and I have blond hair, though my eyes are brown. When I was born, though, they were blue.
Apparently, a lot of people are born with blue eyes that turn brown when they're babies.
Mom wishes she had a son with brown hair, but we tell her she's out of luck.
We're pretty sure she wants to try again.
The fun part is that she always says 'son', never 'daughter', and none of us have brought that up to her yet. She apparently has no issues being the only female in the family, even if she's the only one who's not blond.
For the rest of my appearance, I have a few freckles on my cheeks, and am of average height for a boy of a few months over twelve, but I'm not skinny or fat, like most boys my age. I'm muscled, toned from years of gymnastics and martial arts. I tend to wear polo shirts and slacks or shorts, along with a pair of black and grey sneakers.
I tend to look more mature than most boys my age, and can act it, too. If I want. I have a good upbringing in a nice neighborhood, going to a nice, even if public, school. We're not rich or anything, just fortunate. My dad's a lawyer, and my mom works real estate. They do pretty well.
Today, we're going last-minute school shopping for the twins, and I'm going to meet my best friends at the mall to hang out. We've done gymnastics together since we were little, and one of them does martial arts with me. His dad is pretty dang rich, and while he goes to E.A. Marker Middle School, a prep school for rich kids, he still hangs out with us common folk. Ian's a great guy, and pretty attractive. We've messed around a couple of times.
When the twins come down, they're wearing identical blue shirts and shorts, and have sandals on their feet. Mom just rolls her eyes, then we pile in the car and leave. She drops me off at the mall, telling me she'll call when she's on her way, then leaves with the twins.
I head to the food court to find my friends, and on the way there, a boy with platinum-blond hair and panic in his beautiful, blue-grey eyes runs by me, looking pretty freaked-out by something. He's got on long-sleeves and jeans, even though it's over a hundred degrees outside, and he looks damn cute.
I bet that perfectly straight hair of his took no effort to style that way, too, even though I have to use a little gel to get mine to stick that way.
I don't recognize him, but I'd say he's about ten, so a couple of years younger than me, but he's well-built. I can tell, even with his loose clothes, that he works out in some way. I follow with my eyes, and am surprised when I see Sensei Adam move toward him, reaching out to grab his arm.
What surprises me even more than that, though, is the boy flipping Sensei Adam to the ground in a perfectly executed move. No one bests Sensei Adam. Ever. I've trained at his dojo every Tuesday and Thursday since I was five, have my second dan black belt, and don't think that even if the other black belts worked with me, we could take him on.
So how in the world did this kid take Sensei Adam down like that? As I stare at them, along with a lot of other kids, I realize that Sensei Adam looks remarkably like an older version of the kid who just ran by. A cousin, maybe? Or brother? I know Sensei Adam doesn't have a kid, and even if he did, he'd have to have been thirteen when he did the deed, he's only twenty-four, and the kid's ten.
Actually, he's probably twelve or thirteen. Sensei Adam mentioned once that it's a family trait where the guys look younger than they really are. Sensei Adam himself only looks eighteen, despite his actual age. And that's if he's trying. Seventeen, most days.
He's never mentioned family, apart from that, so I wonder who the boy is. Maybe his little brother's in town to visit? He's cute. I wonder if I'll see him tonight. I hope whatever's got him freaked out works out.
Tearing my gaze from the cute kid, I finish walking to the food court, where my friends are gathered.
Ian, the rich one, with platinum-blond hair and emerald green eyes, as well as a build similar to mine, having done martial arts a year longer and gymnastics just as long (and, admittedly, is the reason I wanted to do martial arts, back when I was five).
Then there's Jake, who's a bit of a jerk and dislikes gays, probably because of his parents, with his brown hair and brown eyes. He's a slightly bigger kid in height than the rest of us, and built stocky, but is all muscle, just like us.
The third member of our party is Chance, who's mom is going to be my homeroom teacher this year. He's got brown hair and leaf-green eyes. He's the quietest of us, and while he does gymnastics with us, he doesn't usually hang out with us much. Probably because of Jake. Pretty sure he's the only straight member of our group, despite doing competitive gymnastics just as competitively as the other two.
Me? I don't do it competitively, just for fun and to hang out with my friends.
"What's up?" Ian asks. "You've got a funny look on your face."
"Did you know that Sensei Adam is here?" I ask.
"Saw him earlier," Ian nods. "He's got his little brother with him. I was talking with him earlier."
"Just saw his little brother flip him to the ground," I say. "He was running through the store, looking panicked, and Sensei Adam reached out to grab his arm, and got thrown to the ground."
"Seriously?" Ian, as well as the rest of them, looks incredulous. "I didn't think anyone could throw Sensei Adam to the ground."
"Me, neither," I say. "Damn was his little bro cute. He's probably only just visiting Adam. You know, Adam's never mentioned his parents, and he's run the dojo since he was sixteen. I wonder where they are, and why we don't know anything about them."
"No use worrying," Ian shrugs. He's sitting on the edge of the railing that lines the gap in the floor, allowing us to see the first floor from up here, and he leans back, looking up at the massive skylight above. "Wish we could've gotten a performer for today, even if an unknown. Would've been good publicity, but everyone was either booked or unavailable or uninterested, or we just couldn't get in contact with them."
On the first floor, underneath the gap, is a small stage with speakers set up, so that a band or musician can play, and they like to have someone here when it's busy. Occasionally, a comedian will make an appearance. They've been having bad luck lately, though. The ones they hire end up not showing up, or are just crap.
And that's with their rich-people connections. They're really hoping they can find someone when the holidays come around. Well, hoping they can find several groups, as they don't want to burden the same person with it every single day.
"Hey, kids!" A security guard walks over. "No sitting on the rails!"
"Why not?" Ian sits up, looking at the guard. "It's not like I'm going to-"
Ian cuts off as he falls backward, and the guard races forward to catch him, but fails. He leans over the edge as we try not to laugh. Ian's hanging from the bars, grinning up at the guard. He lets go with his right hand, and the guard tries to grab him, but Ian just salutes, then pulls himself up and stands on the bars with his hands, his shirt sliding down toward his face, revealing six-pack abs.
"Got ya!" Ian grins, spinning around on his hands and making the guard freak out. "Look, I'm in absolutely no danger!"
"If you don't stop this and get off of there," the guard reaches out to grab Ian, presumably to try to pull him away from the edge, to 'save' his life, even though that's dangerous. "We're going to ban you from the mall."
"Ban me?" Ian asks, then starts laughing. "You're going to ban me?"
Ian laughs, turning around so his back faces us, then falls backwards, toward us, and the guard misses him, barely, as he finishes his flip and lands with both feet planted firmly on the ground.
"Dude," Ian laughs. "I've competed in a worlds martial arts and a world gymnastics competition. I was in absolutely no danger at all, I promise."
"Doesn't matter," the guard says as we're really trying not to laugh at him. "You've put yourself and others in danger. I need you to come with me."
"I'm not going anywhere," Ian crosses his arms. "You can call my father to come meet us here if you want, though."
We start cracking up at that, and the guard glares at us while Ian gives him his father's number. The guard pulls out his phone and calls him.
"What's your name?" He asks.
"Ian Gates," Ian answers, grinning.
"I'm calling for Mr. Gates," the guard glares at Ian. "Yes, I'm with the Lakeview Falls Mall Security, are you the father of Ian Gates? No, sir, he's been causing a disturbance, and endangering himself and others. He was goofing around on the railing that has a fifty-foot drop. I don't care if he's a gymnast, that puts him and others in danger. I'd like you to meet me at the security office to pick up your son, he will not be allowed back in the mall for the next month. Hopefully, he can behave himself after. Sir, if you're not available to pick him up, then you need to arrange someone to pick him up, or we will have the police escort him home. What do you mean? You just said you weren't going to meet my by the security office."
"You do realize that he owns the mall, right?" A voice comes over the walkie. "He's already in the security office, discussing things with me. And honestly, if Ian fell and broke his neck, I think we'd all be a little bit amused. He does stuff like that all the time, rookie. See those three boys he's with? The four of them can do whatever they want, as long as they're not breaking the law. Anyone else? Crack down on. Honestly, those boys are a bigger headache than they're worth, if you try to deal with them."
The guard leaves us alone after that, and we just chill and hang out until I have to leave.
"Hey, you coming to my party tonight?" Ian asks me, and I stare at him. "You completely forgot, didn't you?"
"Yeah, sorry!" I laugh. "Right after martial arts, right?"
"Yup," he grins at me. "Martial arts at seven, party at nine. Won't be a long one, since we all have school tomorrow, but it'll be a fun one."
I meet Mom outside, and we head home. I spend the rest of the day thinking about Sensei Adam's brother, and when it's time for martial arts, I'm hoping he's there. He's not, which is quite disappointing.
Tessa Martins is, though. She's quite the character. I love her. Not romantically, as I'm definitely gay. But damn is she awesome. She's got long, soft brown hair, emerald green eyes, and has started to develop boobs, and she's only barely twelve.
Queen of gossip, master of making friends, Tessa puts up with no one's crap, and she gets the attention of all the straight and bi guys, and all the les and bi girls. I can tell who is who, even though we're only twelve, because I'm that damn awesome. If I were straight, I'd totally ask her out. She's got a killer singing voice, and is quite the actress. She actually lives just a street over from me, and a few doors down from Sensei Adam's.
Crap! I just realized that I could have gone over and introduced myself to his brother! Though upon further thought, they were probably at the mall before his brother had to leave. We start school tomorrow, so it's possible his brother does, too, and was just here to visit.
That would explain why he's not here. He's probably already home, or at least, on his way home.
We go through warmups, then Sensei Adam shows us a few moves, teaching us black belts more advanced versions of them, before setting us to practicing them. Sensei Adam and the other two sensei walk between the pairs, adjusting forms and postures and giving us advice as we spar, then we do the closing cooldown, talk, then everyone leaves.
I forget to ask about his brother until Ian and I are on our way to his house.
Did I mention that Ian's rich? Yeah, he's loaded. Majorly. His father doesn't work, he simply owns businesses, companies, and corporations, and has plenty of investments.
The actual birthday party was Saturday, as Ian's birthday is tomorrow. The 'party' is me and him just making our way to his house for a last bit of fun before school starts up again.
He and I are just hanging out, playing games or something. Ian and I are like brothers, even if brothers who have sex.
We're actually so close that his father's created a trust fund for me, for when I turn eighteen. Can't touch it before then, though. I won't have to worry about going to college. Ever. I can afford it. I can also afford a house and a car, and a family, and probably a couple of more, and still have enough to live the rest of my life in comfort.
A couple of more houses and cars, not families.
Back to the present.
Ian and I play a fighting game for a bit, then start wrestling around his room. When we exhaust ourselves, we sit back on the couch and start chatting about things, eventually turning to the boy I saw earlier.
"So was he really that cute?" Ian asks.
"Definitely!" I confirm. "I got hard thinking about him earlier! I'm hard again!"
"I'm hard, too," Ian says, then grins at me. "Want to jack off?"
To answer him, I strip off my clothes and start stroking my boner. Ian quickly strips off his clothes and starts jacking off as well, and I lean back into the couch, closing my eyes and picturing Sensei Adam's brother, or whoever he is.
He's so cute and kissable, and I want to cuddle him and undress him while kissing him. Ian and I only just started jacking each other off a couple of months ago. I move my hand to his dick, and he moves his to mine.
As he jacks me off, I picture it as the other platinum-blond god I saw, his own little hands rubbing my dick, my hand gripping his.
I start panting a little bit from the feelings welling up in me, ending in a climax that exhausts me. Ian climaxes right after, and we both just sit on the couch, breathing heavily and enjoying the feeling we just had.
"I don't want to go to school tomorrow."
"We've been over this," Adam looks over at me from his computer. "You're going, whether you want to or not. Can you do something for me, though? Can you try to make it through to lunch?"
"You want to test for fourth dan on your birthday, right?" He asks, and I nod. "I won't pass you unless you can handle your anxiety, Matt. That's part of why I'm doing this. You need to go to school, you need to get used to people, and you need to get over your anxiety. I'm not asking for you to get over it overnight, but I am asking that you at least try to make it through to lunch tomorrow. As per the plan, you can eat in the office, away from the crowd, so that should be fine for you, if you make it then."
"I can't," I shake my head. "I'm too scared. I start thinking about it, and I get sick."
"Then don't think about it," Adam says. "Think about dragons, or music, or whatever it is you do when you go downstairs. Failing that, fantasize."
"About someone," he grins at me. "I'm sure you saw at least one person you found attractive while we were out."
I feel my face heat up, and I run to my room. My anxiety's acting up, too. Why did he have to go and say that? No one's going to want me. I'm not attractive, I'm almost thirteen, and I can't talk to anyone other than my brother - and that's only if we're alone.
I mean, yeah, there was a good-looking guy there, but it's not as if he'd want me. I saw him because I almost ran him over, but he's probably got a girlfriend, and even if he were gay, he'd probably not want me. I'm untalented and stupid and ugly. He was really attractive, though.
I can't tell Adam I think boys are attractive, though. He'll probably call me a freak, or tell me it's just a phase, or something.
I change into pajamas and go to bed, and I don't sleep very much at all. If at all. In the morning, he drags me out of bed and forces me to change into my martial arts gi so we can do our daily practice, and then I take a shower.
While I'm in the shower, I start thinking about the cute boy from yesterday. He has soft-looking blond hair, warm, brown eyes that were momentarily shocked as I ran by, and some freckles on his cheeks. He looked really cute in his polo, shorts, and sneakers, and his build suggested he had a little muscle on him.
As I think about him, I realize that I've popped a boner and am stroking myself. I stop, shaking my head and finishing my shower. No thinking about cute boys in the shower. He's probably taken, and even if he were gay, he wouldn't want me.
Finishing the shower, I dry off and get dressed, then make my way back downstairs for breakfast, dreading what's to come. I feel sick, and can't really eat anything. Adam still makes me go to school, asking me, once again, to try to make it through to lunch.
In the end, I tell him I'll do my best, and then I'm at school, meeting the social worker and nurse, and seeing their offices, and then I'm in class, waiting for everyone else to show up. It's getting crowded. I'm finding it hard to breathe. I'm all the way in the back of the room… I don't want to be by the door, so that people will look at me every time they come in, but they can all still see me. No matter where I sit, everyone will be able to see me when they enter.
It's hard to not look at everyone, but I try. I'm too scared, I want to bolt. I need to bolt.
"Hey, there!" A cheery voice says somewhere near me. "You're Sensei Adam's brother, right? I'm Liam!"
Sensei Adam? Is he talking about Adam? Adam owns a martial arts dojo. Wait, he said Adam's brother. He's talking to me. Someone's talking to me. How do I react? What do I say? Who is it? He said his name is Liam. What do I say? I don't know-
My thoughts all freeze the moment I look up and see him. Dressed in a light blue polo, khaki shorts, and black and silver sneakers, is the cute guy from the mall.
The next thing I know, everything is black.