Harry Potter - Hellion!

 

September first, 1991

Harry woke up at six that morning, crawled from under his favorite tree, took a run to warm up and hunted down a few rabbits for breakfast. He then took a swim in the pond, shook the fur he noticed had begun to lengthen and whiten in prevision of the coming winter. The winter promised to be cold if it started to affect him already. The forest’s fall colors were not yet apparent, but he could smell the change in the composition of the leaves already.

After a few minutes of intense running, he changed to his human form and entered the house. Dawn was peeking over the hills, and the sky was slowly pinking over, with a deep violet line of clouds north-east. Time to wake up Draco, Neville, and the other children! They had a long morning of work ahead of them.

He made his way to Draco’s room, gently opened the bedroom door, and changed into a tabby cat before jumping on the bed, before beginning to lick his best friend’s nose.

"Garruff!" grunted Draco, before turning on his belly. Is that so? though Harry, before creating an ice cube from the boy’s sweat under the sheets and dropping it between the ass cheeks of Draco. He then jumped off and waited... The explosion was not long to come as Draco suddenly yelled and jumped out of the bed, screaming bloody murder.

"Finally awake?" asked Harry from the door, ducking out of the two pillows that came flying his way from the bed. "Day one of your new life, Draco! Happy school year!" Harry left the bedroom to make his way to Neville’s bed, only to be met, as he opened the door, with a bucket of iced water.

"Payback is hell, mate!" said Neville, as Harry sputtered. "You got me yesterday morning, I got you this time!"

By then the other rooms were noisy with kids getting up, intent on escaping Harry, Draco, and Neville’s wake-up calls.

Things went like a military academy from there, minus the uniforms. Beds were stripped, bed sheets put into the dirty clothes bin, the rooms inspected from top to bottom for any missed personal objects that needed to be stored last minute in the trunks, the owls were fed, watered and sent on their way to Hogwarts. The little ones were fed, cleansed, hugged and consoled of losing their big brothers and sisters, and promised tons of letters... if they wrote too! The breakfast was expedited as a military parade, every kid taking trays, plates, glasses, and filling them with their preferred breakfast stuff, before sitting down. By eight, everyone was eating, and by 8:30 the dishes were taken back to the kitchen for the house elves to clean. The kids then quickly cleared their sitting position of anything, a few sweeps of magic removed every trace of there ever having been a breakfast, and the kids that had pets began the tedious task of feeding them, taking them out, and making sure natural needs were met.

By 9:30, Harry collected everyone going to Hogwarts, and checked they had their wands, wand holsters, money pouch each containing one hundred and fifty galleons and their trunk. Another round of hugs and tears followed and Harry opened a portal to King’s Cross platform 9 ¾ . The adults, composed essentially of Sirius, Frank, Alice, Augusta, Narcissa, and three dozen or so SAS muggle-born agents of the Royal Black Watch, entered the platform and took position on the still mostly empty platform. A couple of train staffs were busy preparing the stocks that would be brought along with the train, including the junk food trolley. Unseen, on the other side, were over two hundred and fifty SAS muggle-borns armed to the teeth, to make sure no one tried anything stupid from that side. The arrival of the SAS agents did not go unnoticed: Blood-red uniforms, sabers, side-arms and machine-guns were hard to miss.

Five minutes later, at 09:45, the children were sent through, and Harry closed the gate after making sure the count was exact: two hundred and three children had passed through the gate. As soon as he was on the other side, he had the kids stand in rows of fifty, putting Neville and Draco in charge of two groups before standing in front of everyone.

---

"Okay, as you see, the train is not here yet. It is due in thirteen minutes. What I want you to do when it gets here is simple. We pick the front cars. We head for them. From what Sirius and the others tell us, normally, the first car is for the so-called prefects and head boy and girl. Well, that changes. They are on their way out, so they should be heading for the ass of the train."

An enormous explosion of laughter followed Harry’s disrespectful comment, while the adults looked at him gaping.

"Hey, you are lucky the flea season is gone by, or you would beat the fishes at the catch-me game!" said Harry as he looked at the adults, smirking.

"When the train comes, no running. That thing can not stop on a dime. I have noticed that the train will be backing in from the exit, right in front of us. I asked for a full description of a car, and it can easily accommodate fifty of us, fifty-four to be exact. I want each of you to stay grouped and pack the cars. So, that gives, thirty-three full compartments and the last one leaving a single free seat. Neville will follow me with his two groups, and Draco will follow Neville. I plan to inspect each and every compartment before anyone is let in. We start with car one, and go on. I will magically lock the car’s exits so no one can enter on them and you will be at peace for the trip. There are nine compartments per car, and four rest-rooms, one at each end and two about a third of the way down. If anyone of you did the maths, that will leave two compartments available for Hogwarts students not of our group. Draco, Neville and I will be keeping the corridor occupied in turn so as to prevent any incident. Do not worry, I can skin a salmon with a glare, so they will not be bugging us."

After a breath, Harry continued.

"I noticed the marks on the platform, and from the amount of usage, where the doors open. We will be right in front of the first door, which makes sense, since the station ends right there, and the steam locomotive would probably smother everyone if it was allowed to breath inside. Notice the trolly lady is getting ready, and so are the cargo guys, so we should see the train’s end come in shortly. Any questions?"

No one said a thing. Even Sirius, Frank and Remus, whom had made his way through the portal by now, were impressed by the discipline the children were showing under the verbal rod of Harry James Potter. That one was a born leader, one with a sense of organization that baffled even the SAS guys. Only missing were the ‘Attention!’ and salutes, and they would have felt right back in their days at the boot camp.

A few minutes later, the train’s horn was heard as it slowly made its way into the station, coming to a halt barely an inch off mark. Once the train came to a stop, Harry ordered:

"Draco, group one, row one, follow me!"

The first row of children, ten to a row, walked behind Draco and Harry, climbing in the first car. As each car was occupied, the lights inside lit, and quickly, the last children disappeared inside, while the number of lit compartments continued to increase as planned. Shortly, Neville’s groups followed.

"Fallback on the train!" ordered the SAS commander, intent on stopping any incident from starting directly on the station’s platform. It was now 10:00 and the first mages began to appear via floo or at the apparation points spread along the back wall of the platform. The presence of the military was usually ignored, as aurors also wore red; that these wore body-tight clothing rather than cloaks was dismissed as another unannounced change. Trunks were either loaded in compartments with the help of friends or parents, or left at the station’s consignment to be loaded into the luggage car by the train personnel. Owls in cages, frogs in a wide range of vivarium, cats in cat carriers, even a few spiders made their way to the segment of the luggage compartment reserved for pets. At 10:30 the first muggle-forms made their way through the portal from the muggle side. They could easily be recognized by their use of bogeys to carry their belongings across the portal, and the fact that most were also alone, as the muggles could not cross the portal on to the magical platform. By then the so-called best cars had been taken over by the snobs and the older students. The train had added more cars magically, pushing the front cars off the platform access, much to the satisfaction of Harry.

The muggle-borns, having seen parades of the Queen’s troops, recognized the type of uniform present along the train’s side and began whispering, trying to figure out what was going on. The wildest rumors ran, almost making the SAS officers explode in laughter. It ran the gamut from a revolution (true, but not the kind the kids were talking about) to World War III having been declared overnight.

At 10:50 the first whistle blew, calling the students to board. Just then a plethora of red-heads emerged at the run from the portal and rushed to the train, pulling their trunks and pets with them. They boarded in the middle compartment, the closest to the portal exit point, and disappeared inside the train accompanied by swearing that made the SAS guys redder than their uniforms. At 10:55, another whistle blow, and the luggage car doors slammed shut, and the train comptroller began closing and locking the car doors as he made his way to the train’s last passenger car, and the lunch car. At 10:59, the last, very late passenger climbed on-board, literally being pushed in the last car by the comptroller as his trunk went flying over the late-comer’s head to land in the corridor. The comptroller slammed the door shut on his ass, locked it, climbed on the lunch car ramp. He waved a green flag, the train engineer blew the horn for the last time, and the train began moving off, as the comptroller pulled the ramp up and slammed the door shufffffffffft. By then, most parents had already left the platform.

---

The train crept out of London before gaining speed in the countryside. Harry, Draco, and Neville were busy patrolling the four cars they had reserved. The first incident were produced by the Slytherin Prefects and house boy and girl trying to barge into the lead compartments. As luck would have it, Harry was standing in the corridor, keeping an eye on things.

"Get out of my way, you little pervert!" exploded Flint, a newly appointed prefect for house Slytherin.

"Who are you, and why do you want to up go front? To harass the poor train engineer?"

"I am Marcus Flint, and I’m your ultimate nightmare, twerp. I am going to go to the prefect meeting in the first car if I have to kill you to do it!"

"Nice try, Mr Flintstone, but you are twenty thousand years late. We found better ways to light fire under ass holes."

Flint did not understand the reference, but he knew he had been insulted. He pulled his wand and sent an immobilis totalus to the unarmed fly on the wall. The red spell was captured by Harry in his bare hand, and examined.

"Bad, bad, boy. You need a good spanking for using that spell on someone without bothering to even enquire whom you were attacking with it." Harry absorbed the spell, looked at the sixteen year old boy, and suddenly, Flint jumped: he too was nude, and he heard a whistling sound from behind before being projected forward by an object that seemed to wrap its way around his midsection, and an intense burning sensation followed. As he yelped loudly, another similar sound followed, along with a repeat of the pain. Ten times, the cycle passed, and by then Flint was weeping openly, his ass much redder than his face.

"Get lost, Mister Flint, and your clothes are in the last car, where the prefect compartment is relegated, just to remind you of your way out of the school."

By then, everyone in the front compartments had collected to watch the show, and laughed at the poor sod’s looks. On the rest of the train, the passengers watched and gossiped to each other about what was happening forward. By the time Flint began his interminable trek to the rear, his passage was preceded by rumors that had him being caught raping a girl to being smacked silly by the engineer.

---

The next incident was the intrusion of a red-head, one Ronald Weasley, that had the effrontery to ask Harry to see his scar.

"First, what scar? And how about showing me yours, while I show you mine, given you already see it?"

Ron turned beet red, and began calling Harry names. A Gryffindor prefect made his way to the skirmish, asking to know the reason of the yelling.

"That pervert asked me to show him my privates!"

"After you asked me to show you my scars, may I remind you. That is in violation of the most fundamental laws of hospitality of Camelot!"

"You can throw that garbage at me all you want, we live in the twentieth century and Camelot is long dead!"

"Is that so? Being a Prince of Magic, I can tell you Camelot is well and truly alive, under another name, but quite alive."

The reference to the title of Prince of Magic tickled Percy’s memory. He had been keeping every copy of the Daily Prophet since the time he knew how to read, and had followed the mysterious nude boy’s meteoric rise to power from the moment he had taken a bite at his uncle. Percy was no idiot, and he had added indices slowly, meticulously. There was a rumor of a prince of magic, just yesterday, that had whipped Gringott into submission some weeks earlier.

"Ronald, get your ass in gear and leave the car. If he invokes family feud, we are dead. We already owe him fealty, you idiot! This guy is Lord Gryffindor, you stupid jerk! To name a few... Lord Potter, I will straighten that dimwit’s mind if I have to use a knout on his ass."

"But, Percy...!"

"No buts, little brother. If you got your head out of your ass, you would know the laws of Camelot have been reinstated, both for muggles and mages! Now, out with you!" said Percy, dragging Ron by the ear.

---

Not ten minutes later, a bushy-haired girl made her way to the front, to be intercepted by an irate Harry Potter.

"Where are you going?" he asked, in a tone that should have told the person this was not the time to step on toes.

"I am looking for my cat. It ran away, trying to catch a rat. I do not get why there are so many rats on that train!"

"Pets."

"Pets? Who would have rats as pets? They are disgusting!"

"Some find them cute. I, for one, sympathize with your cat, as some seem to be rather juicy and in need of exercise."

"You are disgusting! And what is that? You had a birth defect?" said the girl, pointing at Harry’s genitals. "When you have something so ugly, you hide it!"

By then, Harry’s eyes were flashing in anger and his green eyes were Avada Kavadra colored.

"That, lady, is what most girls want to play with, and some boys as well. Maybe you need to get a book on sex education, rather than a cat!"

"Sex??? That disgusting thing?"

"Yes, that disgusting thing without which you would not be around. Where do you think babies come from? The cabbage patch? Or the stork?"

"Do not be stupid! Babies come from the hospital!"

"Sure, and where do the hospitals get their babies? From a baby bank I suppose? Enter your social security number, and get a baby from a dispenser, sorry gender is on first come first out service?"

"The books all say babies come from the hospital. Moms go pick the baby up and come home with it!" she said stubbornly.

"Did it ever cross your mind that the books might have a rather thinned-out view of the process, especially for naïve little girls that probably still believe in sand being used as seed?"

The girl looked lost. For the first time, someone had lighted a fire under a book’s representation of reality and she could not think things out of the box... err, book.

"Tell me, miss?"

"Granger, Hermione Granger..." she replied without thinking.

"Miss Granger, you believe in books, do you not? What happens if a book is trimmed to protect a child’s sensibilities? Or that a whole culture is hidden from view to protect it and so is not talked about in books? How do you deal with that?"

"There are no such things as truncated books!"

"No? Before you received your Hogwarts letter, was it of general public knowledge that magic existed, that a magical school existed, that a whole world was hidden right under your nose? Were there authoritative books that explained this world? And let us look at things you own. You have dolls, do you not?"

"Yes... quite a collection, in fact."

"Have you ever examined them without clothes on?"

"Err... yes?"

"Do they have breasts? Or a cleavage between the legs, like you do?"

The girl turned purple in shame.

"How... how do you know that?"

"What? That you have a slit down there? Because I have seen girls nude, as girls have seen me nude. I have examined, touched, watched, and learned from the only true and complete book there is: nature’s book, not those truncated things you so value, Miss Granger. I have seen birth, assisted in some, and watched matings. I know how things work, not how you dream they do!"

Hermione was crying by then. Harry decided to nail the book coffin with a final ten inch nail.

"Breasts are to feed the babies, that come out of the mothers, by way of that slit you so feel ashamed of. And I have seen enough couplings in mammals, to know where that ‘ugly’ thing goes when the mating call comes!"

"You are crude!"

"Why, yes, thank you. As you know, natural oil is also called crude oil, so you are telling me I am natural."

That pushed Hermione over the edge and she ran away.

"You did not mince your words, Harry."

"I am tired of dealing with idiots. The next one to cross that door will find that riding the train tracks on his bare ass is not pleasant, Draco!"

"Let me take over. You need a break from playing Cerberus."

---

The arrival to Hogsmeade came way way too late for Harry’s temper. He decided to forgo the boat ride offered by the half-giant in favor of a quick run with the group that had accompanied him in the front of the train. The children took off on a run, puffing and steaming up through Hogsmeade, and up to the gates of Hogwarts. They arrived well before the others, and made their way to the great hall, surprising the staff whom was still expecting the alert that marked the arrival of the first carriage to enter the grounds. The puffing children sat together at the far-left long table, without asking permission.

Straight-laced Minerva McDonnagall was not going to lose more control of her school. One nudist revolution per millennium was more than enough for her.

"What is this?" she thundered as she literally flew off the dais, shocking the teachers.

Harry looked at the old goat with contempt. He was more than tired of magical society already. Standing up, he confronted the headmistress, lightning flashing from his eyes.

"Those are my kids, and if you know what is good for you, you will change your tone with us!" said Harry as the inside of the Great Hall cooled and the atmosphere produced a powerful snow storm that blanketed the entirety of the flat surfaces of the room with a good six inches of the white crap.

"An elemental!" she shrieked, backing away and almost falling on her feet.

The turmoil had attracted Hogwarts’ attention and she dispatched her protector. The Earth Phoenix, one named Fawkes, appeared in the Great Hall.

"Ah, the last stone to the construction," said Harry as he extended his arm. Fawkes tried to dive-bomb Harry, only to be met with an ice Phoenix. The dance began and Harry showed Fawkes how to really fly. Exhausted, Fawkes tried to get away, but Harry caught his tail feather with his beak, capturing it and getting the map he needed. He quickly integrated the information, and changed to the Earth Phoenix, then back to his human form.

---

A few minutes later, the first students walked in, led by a furious Flint. He saw the Slytherin table occupied and the presence, amongst the occupants, of the kid that had flattened his ego and his image on the train. He stormed toward Minerva decidedly not ready to put up with anything.

"I want that menace out of the school. He humiliated me on the train, forcing me to walk its entire length in the nude, after spanking me in public!"

"Mister Flint, that boy you so point at is an elemental. Do you know what that is?"

"I do not care. He could be Merlin for all I care, I want him out!"

Harry was tired of it all. He stood up, walked to the dais, and snapped his fingers. "Since he so values clothing, he now wears an armor to protect his ego, but not his modesty, since he lost it on the train ride. He will have to eat in it, shower in it, sleep in it, go to the water-closet in it, try to have sex in it, and die in it! If you are lucky, Mister Flint, the muggles might invent a can opener before you drown in your own refuse!"

There stood Marcus Flint, covered in armor from head to foot and barely able to move from the weight of the metal casing.

"What have you done?" asked an unnerved Minerva.

"Satisfied his need for modesty... and encased his ego, that risked blowing the school up."

By then, the other students had begun slowly infiltrating the Great Hall, and Marcus’ trip of Hell on the train had reached every ear; now they could see him standing in an armor, unable to move, looking terrified.

"Too late, Flint," said one of the redheads, George (or was it Fred?), "We saw everything, and our little sister is better equipped down there than you are when you are stiff!"

The explosion of laughter from all quarters clearly demonstrated the truth of the words.

Unable to occupy their designated tables, the Slytherins spread amongst the others, trying to find affinities. Minerva had to admit she had lost another battle, right then and there.